In my own write 03/21/00

Subj: in my own write
Date: 3/21/00 10:02:26 PM Eastern Daylight Time

You caught me ~ the subject line is lifted from a book of Mim's, a collection of poems by John Lennon. My apologies, but it captures how I feel at this moment.

The authenticity of my postings was questioned recently by someone because I do not actually tip tap them into the computer. A dear friend responded to reassure me that, "Whether the wording is yours....or Elsa's.... it makes no difference... IT'S YOUR MEMORIES AND/OR THOUGHTS that come thru."

This posting business in interesting. Yes, it is Elsa who wraps my memories, thoughts and impressions into prose; I plant the seeds, but it is - I freely admit - Elsa who tends, nurtures and prunes them, doing everything possible to ensure that my voice comes across as clearly and effectively as possible, using my own words for most of each posting, albeit often in a different order or slightly "tweaked" phrasing to get across in writing what's formed in my mind.

Before she starts tapping away at the keyboard, the two of us carefully go over what I want to share in the particular posting. She always hauls me back into the computer studio to read each draft or, if I’m already tucked in for the night, sits on my bed so I can hear what she set down; then it’s back to the keyboard with any changes (often several times). She only hits the “send” button after I give final sign off.

Our collaboration adds a new twist to an already unusually unusual mother-daughter relationship. A lot of people assume we are closer than two peas in a pod. I wish it were so. We have our challenges and obstacles ~ it is not all beer and skittles. That’s one reason that Peter Buss' sermon grabbed me the way it did the other day.

As part of his talk, Peter called a mother and daughter up before the congregation (I could not identify them from the audiotape, but I know from Elsa that it was Carol and Justine Brannon). Peter had lovely things to say about the "Rachel" ideals of being parent and child. I waited for him to address the "Leah" reality - that it is the rare-rare-rare parent/child relationship that does not have the occasional tough going. I waited to hear him talk about how relationships can seem severed or damaged beyond repair, but how the seed of love is always there, wanting to bloom. But he did not.

I was disappointed and am a little concerned.

Not that long ago, I would have heard Peter’s words and said to myself, "See, this is what relationships are supposed to be. If my own family relationships are not that way, it must be my fault. I am not nurturing the loving, supportive family God intended me to."

I would have felt downcast by the very beautiful parent-child picture Peter painted.

Over my many decades, I’ve learned that while families can be wonderful sources of support and love, let us be honest in saying that families that are always upbeat and cohesive are few and far between. And that is not necessarily a bad thing. Did you know that at one time, if a woman delivered a baby by Ceasarean section, her doctor had her deliver the rest of her children the same way? The reasoning was that the stress of delivery could rupture the scar. The truth is that a scar - where torn skin and muscle have been drawn back together and rehealed - is stronger than the original skin.

So, I believe, it is with families. They can go through difficult times, the relationships can even seem torn apart, but when the people care enough to be drawn back together, to listen and respond, to not do the same damaging actions or allow them to be done, then the family can be stronger than ever. We can use our years to strive for not only the “Leah” states of loving and being together – which, like Leah, have their own important off-spring - but also the “Rachel” ones as well.

Much love to my online family & relations - Aunt Kay